Interview: Sock Puppets, comedians

(Sock on the Left answers most of my questions, with occasional input from Sock on the Right, where noted.)

What's the best way to tell you apart?

One's on the right, one's on the left, and that rarely changes.

Do you have names?

No, who names their socks? We have separate identities, but we don't have separate names.

Sock on Right: We're like Gilbert and George

Sock on the Left: Yes, except Gilbert and George have names. Can we recommend the Museum of Modern Art? They've a room of Gilbert and George's stuff, which is unsuitable for children, but very, very, good.

Surely you shouldn't be walking around, wearing yourselves out?

The thing about doing a comedy show is that comedians can be very self-pitying, but we work for one hour a day!

You could do with a bit of darning.

Washing, I think is the word you're searching for. We spend most of the day hanging over the top of a radiator, minging. After a show there's not much to do apart from dry out - and not in a Richard Burton way, either.

Would you say that one of you is funnier than the other?

Both of us would say that. One of us is actually trying to do a serious show.

One of us is trying to do a serious pitch to the people in the audience who might be from the telly, and trying to prove that we could do a serious telly show. The other one is turning it into some sort of comedy show.

We discovered the other night that the audience feels Sock on the Right is gay. We have no idea why.

Sock on the Right: I'm looking at the ladies in the audience, but I guess the eyes don't work as well as I think they do!

What kind of telly show are you after?

Any genre of telly. A cookery show, a gardening show... there are no depths to which we would not sink. We would look at period drama. We enact an entire period drama in about two-and-a-half minutes flat.

Does either of you harbour ambitions to go solo?

The thing we like best is being a double act. We do fight, that's rather our schtick.

One of us writes the show and the other one buggers it up. Between the two of us we eventually get to the end of an hour.

What do you think of the rest of this year's fringe?

God, some acts are struggling. Have you seen poor old John Bishop in the McEwan Hall? Some nights he'll play to as few as the low 900s.

Our heart bleeds. Those of you who go to Free Fringe shows, you are taking the bread out of John Bishop's children's mouths! Think on that!

Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre - On The Telly is at the Gilded Balloon Teviot, 9:15pm, until 29 August.

Review: Comedy review: Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre