Bill Dare: Flyering, Part One

‘Why are you doing your own flyering, Bill?” asked the ‘total sell-out’ comedian as I shuffled around outside the Assembly Rooms. ‘You’re a successful comedy producer – you’ve done TV and radio shows – don’t you have people?’

I wanted to say that of course I have people, and my show’s a sell-out. But the fact is that if you’re doing a play in Edinburgh, then unless it’s on at the Traverse, involves nudity, or stars someone big off the telly (even if it’s Abi Titmuss or Les Dennis) you can’t take anything for granted.

When it comes to flyering, I have form. I brandished my first glossy bit of pocket-fodder when I was 19 and played saxophone with a Bristol University sketch group. If someone had said to me that 30 years later I would still be handing out flyers I might have thought twice about a career in showbusiness.

Telling strangers what you do is brilliant doesn’t come naturally to anyone except psychopaths and actors. Actors generally don’t like flyering (“it destroys the mystique”) and psychopaths are too scary.

Speaking of scary… I was told off by my producer for being just that. I had what I thought was a brilliant sales pitch – getting on my hands and knees and begging people. “The people look really frightened, Bill,” he said. “And it looks desperate.”

But there has to be something more original than “my play is very thought-provoking and funny”. That’s like selling hot dogs on the basis that it has a frankfurter in the middle, surrounded by bread.

I remain undaunted. What I lack in ability, I make up for in persistence. But will I be doing it again next year? No. Because my play will be at the Traverse, and I have written parts for Les Dennis and Abi Titmuss, both of whom will be naked throughout. Book early.

• Bill Dare’s play, Misconception, is at Assembly @ George Street, 3:35pm, until 30 August.

Posted by Andrew Eaton