Miranda Kane: ‘The Coin Operated Girl’ on her life of a sex-worker
Edinburgh Festival Fringe guest blog: Miranda Kane, who is performing her one-woman comedy show The Coin Operated Girl as part of the Free Fringe, lifts the lid on the life of a sex-worker.
I’ve been a comedian longer than I’ve been a sex worker.
At 18, I tried a bit of stand-up, but failed when I realised I had nothing to say. I resorted to a flurry of self-deprecating ‘fat girl’ jokes, and my dad’s mid-life crises – basically, stuff we’ve all heard before.
Fast forward a few years, and I’m trying it again – this time with a comedy course behind me, two years on the circuit, and a place in the semi-finals of ‘So You Think You’re Funny’ and a spot on the ‘Funny Women One To Watch’ list.
Having cut my teeth on the comedy scene, I’ve ‘come out’ and am currently performing my one-woman show which delves into the mysterious, but really rather wonderful life of a Sex-Worker. My life as a sex-worker.
Although, I’m probably not what you would expect. I was – what you might call – a bit of a niche. I weighed 25 stone, and for a while I could claim the title of being the UK’s largest escort, something which meant I could set my fee to up to £2,000 a night.
To answer what you might already be thinking… yes, you’re in the wrong career. I get that a lot.
I spent seven years as a sex-worker, doing everything you could imagine; phone sex, camming and yes – actually having “The Sex” with people. Although part of the reason why I find it all so hilarious is because it wasn’t always that straightforward!
There’s a stigma to sex-workers, as well as their clients. We’re all shown the negative side, the poor, helpless trafficked victims. But all the women I knew were just ordinary, happy ladies who just happened to enjoy having sex for money. And they were hilarious, clever, strong women who would have been an asset to any business, but they ran their own very well! (If you ever need someone to give you hints on marketing and advertising, ask an independent escort. We’re experts at standing out from a crowd. We have to be.)
Our clients weren’t seedy, sex-obsessed perverts. They were kind, keen, appreciative men who just wanted a moment of luxury, intimacy… to be able to be with the kind of women they could only fantasise about normally (the fact that we spent most of our time screaming at Twitter or crying over tax returns wasn’t something we advertised on our websites.)
My show exposes the every-day life of a sex-worker; how we work in the digital age, the bizarre and strange requests from clients, what both elated and annoys us. I try and show the human aspect – that the women are normal, they’re not drug addled victims, nor are they overtly beautiful and wealthy courtesans. They’re women you see every day, shopping in Tescos.
Sex is one of the most natural, fun and hilarious things we can do with each other, and yet somehow we keep it all quiet, we shun people who enjoy it or think there must be some element of danger.
How did that happen?!
Let’s try and lighten things up, yeah? Let’s have a laugh, have a chat (seriously, I do an Q&A, you can ask me anything) and see if we can smash a few preconceptions!
There’s free condoms in it for you…
MORE INFO: The Coin-Operated Girl – A Sex Workers Real Life Revelations of Frivolous Fornications! is at The Dram House until 24 Aug, 2.15pm